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(no subject) [Jan. 9th, 2006|06:44 pm]
I got dumped.

The fifth time around, it really starts to get to you.
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2006|03:32 pm]
[mood |aggravatedAnnoyed beyond belief.]

I'm so goddamn confused, I came back here to vent. Or rant, whatever you want to call it.

Ok, so. My ex tells me she wants to go back out with me, only she's still going out with my replacement, guy named Andrew. She says that she likes me more than him, but for SOME reason, she just can't break up with him. *eye roll* So, I'm loney, I'm confused, I'm emo...then my friend Kim, whom I've known since the beginning of last year, whom I've always liked, tells me that she has a "girl crush" on me one day when we're backstage in Drama. Everyone had left already, we were the only ones in the whole damn auditorium. I laughed it off, spent another hour or so fucking off, then we go home. Well, actually, the crazy security guard Alan kicked us out, but that's beside the point.

I get home. I obsess over what she said. I text her in the middle of the night: "Um, Kimmeh? What exactly is a girl crush?". She replies. "It means I like you." I piss myself. We go through another day of school in which we both pretend nothing happened. I make a list comparing Kim to my ex, Jessica. Kim totally kicks Jessica's ass in the pro-cons list. I get home. I text Kim and......ask her out, basically. I don't remember how it happened, but she said yes.

So, we're going out. We're both in Drama, and theres a play coming up, so we get to spend lots n lots of time together at dress rehearsals n whatnot. I'm quite happy. Play ends, we don't get to spend QUITE as much time together. I'm still happy, mind you. We go out once, to Manhattan. That was quite a bit of fun, as it happens. I'm STILL HAPPY.

Now, everythings gone to hell in a handbasket. All of my friends are telling me that I should "back up", ie; not get so attached, because I'll just get hurt. They're acting like Kim's a total asshole, which, to the best of my knowledge and in my experience, she isn't. Everyone's weirding me out. I have no idea what to do.

Besides listen to As I Lay Dying and be an annoying little emo bitch, that is.

Fuck, I hate my life sometimes.
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Dog [Aug. 24th, 2005|12:03 pm]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |HIM, Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly]

I'm about to give my doggie a bath.

Think I should.......stretch or something first. Cuz uh.......it'll be harrowing.

Ah, the joys of owning a dog.

Woke up this morning with the entire living room covered in sprinkes and the dog eating a biscuit. From Saturday, no less. Even more interesting.....the bowl with the biscuits in it was on the kitchen table. The little bastard was walking around on the kitchen table. And our house is infested with moths suddenly. They practically descended in a swarm. So appealing.

If I don't update in two days, send a search party. I'll probably be gripped in a death match with Aiden somewhere in the sewer system under New York.
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(no subject) [Jul. 1st, 2005|11:38 am]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |Throwdown, Forever]


Pointless entry, this. Just wanted to type something to prove my existence.

A few weeks ago, I was taking my English final, and I was trying to spell the name of the town Janie and Teacake met in in 'Their Eyes Were Watching God'. It took me a few minutes to remember the name of the damn thing, which was a surprise considering the fact that I usually NEVER forget ANYTHING, and then I tried to spell it.....and for some unknown reason I inserted random spaces between syllables....and wrote this on my exam paper, then burst out laughing in the middle of a completely silent room, two hours into the test: Eat on ville.

My mind has been poisoned.

Hmmm.........random bit of info: this morning, my mother woke me up early because she told me she needed me for something...and I when I actually got up and went into her room, she was standing there in a towel with a bottle of self tanner, waiting for me to rub it into her back.

Thirteen months till college and some modicum of privacy.
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2005|01:46 pm]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]
[music |Sugarcult, Crashing Down]


Allow me to reintroduce myself.

Yeah. Anyway.

I've been gone for a while. Perhaps you've noticed. Sorry about that.

Who cares anyway, my life's boring as all hell.

My parents know I'm gay now. That was a lovely little therapy session. They didn't care. Nothing changed.

I still don't react to things like normal people. Too bad.

I found out that there's no way in hell I'll be able to go to Ozzfest. Bye bye HIM. See you on your next American tour....in seven years.

I also found out that there's no way in hell I'll be able to go to the college I want. Bye bye St. John's College. See you when I can afford the tuition.....never.

Recap: I still hate my life, I still want to die, I still can't be normal, I still can't stop thinking, I still can't wake up, I still don't understand why my parents had me, I still don't want to acknowledge anything at all. I still think I should be on medication.

Oh, and I might be bipolar.

Isn't life grand?
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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2005|11:23 am]

A certain journal decided to be a BASTARD, A MOTHER%&**ING BASTARD, and not work.

Even though it would've been great.

But oh well. Too bad, too, cuz I kinda liked that username. But alas....

Now I can actually comment again, and truth be told, I value that ability far more than a cool username.

So yeah, expect ACTUAL comments from the *quote unquote* "underground".

And I'm desperately trying to revive my muse....I've been doing so since 'My Last Chance' started to die, and I came up with this.

Overdramatic and annoying, but I wrote it.Collapse )
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2005|01:43 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |Love Metal. <-So happy I have that now....]

This time, I really am going underground.

Due to the fact that I failed two subjects, (Algebra/Trig and Italian [I'm Italian, by the way]) and had to have a meeting with my principal, guidence counselor, and dean of discipline, I am being punished.

No iPod, no tv, no cell phone, no dvd, NO INTERNET.

My parents are at Home Depot right now. Getting mouse traps. Riemu.

I'll probably be punished until I get my progress report, the little updates we get halfway between report cards.

When I get back, I won't be here.

Let me rephrase that: When I get back, I'll be avoiding Devilina_666. I hate this username, and it was always meant to be temporary. Now I have a new one, one which I am in love with.

It's Finnish.

So, I'll be sneaking back on whenever I can to make my new journal look cool. It's empty now. Boring, blaring whiteness everywhere.

Once my punishment is over, I'll write in my new journal, add everyone on my old friends list to the new one, and post a new story I'm working on in __Vam.

By the way, the new journal's Riemujasuru. Joy and Sorrow. Yep.

FYI, that's why I haven't commented on anything in weeks. Punishment. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me.

Bye now.

*runs back into room to listen to Love Metal*
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2005|03:18 pm]
[mood |I don't care...not anymore.]
[music |My life just going to hell.]

I used to be able to write poetry when I was younger. I've since lost that ability. Nothing that has happened to me has affected me the same way as the first time I sat down with a notebook opened to a blank page, pencil in hand, and nothing came to mind. I just sat at a desk, by myself, trying to force myself to be able to rhyme something, make something I could read later and be proud of. Nothing ever happened.

It died.

After poetry's death I turned to stories. Obviously stories are easier than poems. You can change your writing style, ignore rythym, just describe the scenes running through your head and be confident that someone would be able to see what you once saw. Being able to write stories redeemed me, in some way, of no longer being a poet.

It, too, died.

I have nothing now. I'm empty, all used up. All the potential that ran through my veins is gone now, and all I can do is grow old and live with it.

This is a horrible thing to go through at sixteen, I assure you.

This story is the epitome of everything that disgusts me. There is not one bit of originality anywhere on its pages.

But I can still try to describe it, try to squeeze the details out of my mind like a horribly overused and stained sponge, and so help me god I will keep trying until I can write again.

I'm going to call this story 'My Last Chance', a double meaning if ever there was one. My Last Chance to prove my worth, My Last Chance to make something in my life meaningful, My Last Chance to be something in my own eyes.


My Last ChanceCollapse )
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To cry is to know that you're alive...but my river of tears has run dry... [Jan. 28th, 2005|07:09 pm]
[mood |coldcold]
[music |HIM, Buried Alive By Love]

My dad's an asshole and decided to go and hurt himself so that he can't go to work for the next two weeks. Oh joy. Now I have about 0 privacy whatsoever. Whoopee.


Yes, Kelli, somehow, someway,..........I'm engaged.

Give it two weeks and I'm sure I'll be able to do something so retarded that she'll change her mind. But for now....yeah.


Happy, aren't we?

Oh aye.

I'm abso-fuckin-lutely terrified of her family, however. And today, being a rather bored child, I sent her a text message.

Her sister answered.

I was then forced to answer a series of in-depth questions pertaining to the nature of mine and hers relationship.

I answered well.

Her sister actually likes me.

Go figure, huh? My first encounter with one of her family members, who appear to be just slightly homophobic (her dad actually once said that he wanted to kill all the gay people in the world off), and not only do I come away from it not traumatized, but one of her family members actually approves of me!

What IS the world coming to....

But for now, I want to go play with my three new toys. My three new toys under my pillow. My shiny new toys. They haven't yet been baptized. Think I should give them a gool ol' welcome?

FYI, Jessica would like me to throw my three new toys out my window. Don't think the cats would like that, oh no.

This's it. I want to move to Italy. Perhaps Ireland. Doesn't Mel live in Scotland? There we go, I'll come visit you as soon as I get there. Better yet, I'll come pick you up, we can move on to Finland.


With Kelli.

And a little gray kitten named Valo.

Should be fun, no?

Might have to take my fiance, however...
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2005|05:39 pm]
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |Disturbed, Down With The Sickness]

MeshuggenehCollapse )


By the by, I think I'm engaged.

Go figure.
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